Funny Fart Stories While Hunting

[RUGER]

Back when I started trying to cut down on my sugar I bought a crap ton of russell stover sugar free candy.
All different kinds of chocolates.
They were actually pretty good.
It took me a week or so to figure out what was doing it but I started having like the ultimate MASSIVE farts.
I mean EPIC ones.
Man and I were deer hunting and we were about 300 yards apart.
I was in the deeper woods and he was on a point watching the field.
Sitting in a wooden ladder stand, hadn't got cold yet so I just had on regular camo pants.

I tried letting one go easy but it ripped pretty good.
Then I just let one go, no holds barred.

Radio clicked.
Yeah?
What was THAT !!
BBAAHHAWWWW I farted.
No way.
Yeah hang on.
RRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!

I could literally hear him laughing without the radio.

Kinda had to be there but it was pretty funny.
We didn't kill that day. LOL

 

[OldFart]

Just have to chime in on THIS One! I've said this before but will say it again with gusto. Notice both halves of my moniker. I got both halves the hard and old fashioned way: I earned them. At almost 81 years old and totally experienced in the other half, it's true. Plus I was taught by the master, an old friend of mine who is now deceased. No, one of "mine" didn't kill him. My boss told me I could drink water and it would "effect" me. Students of mine told me I should see a doctor because mine weren't natural But I knew that couldn't be true, nothing is more natural than poop.
Even that genius of history, Ben Franklin, wrote a book, "Fart Proudly" (Because we are Americans). Really, no joke, I used to have the book. With my "back" end alive and active and reputation established, I couldn't resist buying it. Ole Ben thought that if he could invent a concoction you swallow that made a toot smell like a rose, he would make a bunch of money. He actually presented this idea to a Scientific group. If you don't believe me, read the book. If Ben could stress "one", the least I can do is to honor and salute his memory by blowing one. Here's to you, Ben!
BTW, my unique smell talent does NOT make me popular with my wife! After over 62 years of marriage to the same woman, she still doesn't understand!
NO! appreciation for the finer things.
Good Luck to the "Gambled Butt Lost" group! After all, we have washing machines, unlike in Ole Ben's day.

 

[clwg97]

So we have a family "theory" I guess you would call it. If you fart in your treestand and it smells like deer guts you will kill a deer. No questions asked it just happens.

Well I was about 18 and hunting one of the last mornings of Missouri's 9 day rifle season. I had not shot any deer that year with my rifle and was kind of down. I was standing up in my insulated coveralls. I let out a fart, it was silent no sound. It worked its way up through the coveralls and hit my nostrils. Pure deer gut smell. As soon as I smelled it and had time to register that smells like deer guts I will probably see a deer. I heard a stick crack behind me and a doe was working her way up the point I was sitting on. I shot her about 45 seconds after the fart at about 30 yards. Great morning hunting!

Now second part of the story. We always took pictures at the truck when we got the deer out. I did not pay attention, but I leaned down and was proud as a peacock holding my doe. My Uncle was taking the picture. My dad had ran down the logging road behind me and I had no idea and he was mooning the camera in my picture. When I got the picture developed I was sitting there with my deer and noticed a big white A$$ in the background. Back home after you killed a deer you always took the picture to school to show it off. I had to take the scissors and trim on that picture before I could take it.

 

[diamond hunter]

I was duck hunting with Jackie Wayne Van Cleeve on Reelfoot Lake once and he had taken us to some special hole .He brought along a newbie apprentice,basically a helper to pickup ducks and cook. Anyway,me and one of the guys from my group ate at Boyettes and had a bunch of fried food and vegetables the night before. So the newbie hunted between us and every time Jackie said "yall ease down" we would ease a couple out when we squatted down into the blind.We about killed that poor boy,one time he didnt even get up to shoot. He was in disbelief those boys from Gallatin could fart that bad.

 

[killingtime 41]

One time years ago me and a friend were going crappie fishing. So we stopped by the bait store. He was out in front of me. I had a brainstorm quick like. I held the bucket up to the back of my pants and let one go. Held it there as I was walking up. I said to my buddy hey you should have washed out this bucket it smells awful. He turned around and I held the bucket out and he stuck his face in there to see how bad it was. If you could have seen the look on his face. As he knew right then that his nose just got filled with the foulest methane I was laughing so hard I could barley hold the bucket. He cussed me up and down which made it even better. Of course that was just paybacks because he ran me out of the tent in freezing weather all the while laughing and farting non stop. I've got many fart stories over the years with several friends. The list would take full pages.